What is Counselling

What is counselling? Irvin Yalom, my favorite famous counselor says that any conversation that feels therapeutic for any of the parties is counselling. I tend to agree with this description. We've all had those type of conversations that go deep into our thoughts and feelings. They are often are accompanied with a glass of wine.  Stuff gets bought to the surface that we never thought had such a huge impact on our lives. At the end of these conversations, our brains are still ticking over. The topics linger for a bit longer than our average conversations. Those conversations often change our world view, or bring something to our lives that we take with us every day, for the rest of our lives. Those are important conversations. Its what I would call accidental counselling or organic counselling.

Intentional Counselling is something else again. This is the type of counselling where two people knowingly embark on a problem solving deliberate set of conversations. These will result in an improved life for both parties. One person will learn skills and develop them. Discussions will be around emotions, behavior, hopes, desires and much more. The other person will learn how to assist that person in being the best they can be. They will improve their practice of counselling, to help other people more effectively. These conversations involve the unraveling of complex issues in the form of regular discussions. There will be homework assignments and interventions that are designed by a professional to deliberately develop skills in managing problems, building on strengths and addressing weaknesses. Some of these conversations will be very difficult and uncomfortable.  It isn't about having a nice chat with someone. It's about working on yourself and it is hard work. To do this kind of counselling you need a professional. Someone who is insightful and a person who can be tough on you, to bring out your best. The counselor is assisted by a mentor or supervisor. Most of the work is done outside of the counselling space by both parties. Changing your life is hard work and it takes great courage to embark on this kind of journey. You have to be really prepared  for change and self examination. That's why finding the right counselor and right counselling method is so very important.


Next week I will discuss how to tell if you need counselling.  The human brain is a tricky thing and fools us into believing that we don't need help and that the problem isn't our problem. In the meantime here is a link to Irvin Yalom's website. Also a poem written by a young man while in hospital after having his leg amputated.  A testament to human spirit.

References:

Gerald, D., & Gerald, K. (2001). Basic Personal Counselling. Frenchs Forest NSW: Pearson Education Au

Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books.

Invictus

William Ernest Henley, 1849 - 1903

Out of the night that covers me,   
  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,   
I thank whatever gods may be   
  For my unconquerable soul.   
   
In the fell clutch of circumstance 
  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   
Under the bludgeonings of chance   
  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   
   
Beyond this place of wrath and tears   
  Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years   
  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.   
   
It matters not how strait the gate,   
  How charged with punishments the scroll,   
I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.